Sweet Dreams
by Bonzodog
Summary: Remus has nightmares, and Sirius helps him sleep... but what starts out as one night soon turns into something a lot more complicated. SiriusxRemus, set in their fifth year at Hogwarts


**This is my first time writing for Harry Potter, and it was basically all written in one sitting, so it might not be very good. It's pretty long. I wasn't sure whether to rate it T or M... tell me what you think! And of course, as always, please review =]**

Sirius was asleep when the first cry came.

It was a sob and a gasp rolled in to one, and it shook him into a strange state where he was half asleep, half awake.

The second cry woke him up completely.

"No!" Somebody had whispered, in a hoarse voice. Sirius kept his eyes closed, but lay there, listening.

"Please, no!" The voice came again. Sirius's eyes flicked open and he pushed himself up on his elbows.

"It hurts, it hurts really badly. Please, just make it stop!" Sirius's hand moved to the curtains around his bed, and he waited a few seconds. wondering what to do.

"Please." The voice whispered, defeated. With a sickening jolt, Sirius realised it was Remus crying out. All hesitation gone, he flung the curtains back, reached for his wand.

Nobody was there. Sirius tiptoed across the dormitory, trying not to wake anybody up. He reached Remus's bed, and stood there, waiting to see if the cry would come again.

"Stop!" The voice whimpered, and Sirius flung pushed the curtain aside and slowly peered in.

Remus lay alone on his bed, fast asleep. The duvet was tangled around his knees, and his forehead was glistening with sweat. His arms were flung up, as if to protect himself. Sirius dropped his wand and leant forward, tentatively laying a hand on Remus's raised arm.

"Get off me!" Sirius shook Remus a little, trying to break him out of his nightmare.

"Moony, it's me! Padfoot. You're dreaming."

"No..." Remus's arms dropped, but he stayed asleep. Sirius shook him a little harder.

"You're only dreaming, it's all okay. Rem, it's me. Sirius."

Remus's eyes flew open wildly. He stared up at his friend.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, it's me. Just a nightmare, mate."

"Oh God." Remus moaned, turning his head and pushing it into his pillow. After a few seconds, Sirius realised he was crying. He knew he should just go back to his own bed, but he couldn't help it. He lay his hand gently on Remus's shoulder.

"It's okay." Sirius said uselessly, wishing he could comfort him but having no idea how. Remus slowly placed his hand on top of Sirius's, holding it in place. Sirius acted on impulse, and sat down on the side of his bed, curling his arm around Remus's huddled form.

Remus buried his head in Sirius's chest, and Sirius felt a strange warmth go through him with the knowledge that he was making Remus feel better.

"Sorry." Remus eventually murmured. "I woke you up."

"I honestly don't care." Sirius reassured him.

"God," Remus moaned. "I feel so _dumb._"

"Don't, Rem. Nightmares are awful. Can I..." Sirius hesitated. "Can I ask what it was about?"

There was a few second's silence, and Sirius wondered whether he'd gone too far. But eventually, Remus answered.

"Fenrir Greyback." He spoke the words as if he was afraid to even say them.

"Oh." Sirius recognised the name immediately, and kicked himself for not having thought of it before. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. I probably won't get back to sleep, but I'll be fine. I have that nightmare a lot." Remus smiled reassuringly at Sirius. Sirius frowned.

"Really? I've never heard you have one before."

"I normally cast something like Muffliato- you know, a sound blocking spell. I forgot tonight, sorry." Remus explained. Sirius looked appalled.

"Remus, promise me you'll stop doing that. I don't care if you wake me up, I don't want you being upset."

"But-"

"Please, Moonshine?" Sirius stuck his lip out at Remus, who laughed.

"You know I don't like being called that." He complained.

"Which is exactly why I call you it."

"I promise I'll stop doing it." Remus said solemnly.

"Good good. Now, you said you don't sleep after these dreams?"

Remus shook his head. "I know it's really dumb, but so soon after remembering what happened... I hate feeling so alone and vulnerable, you know?"

Sirius smiled. "Okay, so budge up."

Remus blinked. "Did I miss something?"

"You need sleep, Rem. We're halfway through the year, and this stuff's important." Sirius swung his legs up, lay next to Remus. "So I'm sleeping here, so you aren't alone."

"You don't have to-"

"But I want to." Sirius interrupted. Remus's face broke into a grin.

"Thank you." He smiled, pulling the duvet up over the two of them and closing his eyes.

* * *

Sirius couldn't sleep.

It had been half an hour since Remus had thanked him, and he was still lying, tense as anything. The werewolf had told him about a year ago that he thought he was gay, and sworn him to secrecy.

He was so concious of the implications of sharing the bed, and was trying desperately not to touch Remus. His body seemed to try and gravitate towards him... all he really wanted to do was to touch him. He was trying so hard to stay away, but he was tired of trying, and knew he wouldn't sleep. But still, he supposed that if it kept Remus okay...

A cough came from the boy next to him, and Sirius frowned a little.

"Rem? You awake?"

"Yes, sorry." Remus's voice was apologetic, as if he was afraid of Sirius leaving.

"Bugger it." Sirius decided. He moved forwards until he was pressing up against Remus's back.

"Sirius-"

"I've been trying really hard not to make this gay, and it hasn't worked. So I figure we might as well just give up and I'll... I dunno, get up early and go back to my own bed? I mean, before anyone can see us."

"Okay." Remus said quietly, trying to stop the gratitude from showing in his voice.

* * *

Sirius _still _couldn't sleep. Remus, however, was dead to the world. He was still pushed up against Sirius, and Sirius was more than aware of the other boy's heat against him.

_Just go to sleep, would you?_

Sirius thought angrily to himself, before squeezing his eyes shut. But a few seconds later, he opened them again. Remus had moved so that a section of his hair fell against Sirius's cheek. His hair was so soft, and silky... almost like a girl's hair, like angel's hair...

_What's wrong with you? Stop it already!_

Sirius's eyes continued on their path. The pale slip of Remus's neck stood out in the moonlight... Sirius wanted to know if the rest of Remus was that pale...

_He's your best friend! Your very male friend._

The curve of Remus's body disappeared into duvet at around his waist. Sirius wanted to go lower, follow the curve with his eyes, his fingers, his mouth...

_This was such a bad idea..._

Remus turned around in his sleep, so that he was facing Sirius. Sirius sucked in a quick breath of air, as thousands of memories came rushing back... flashings of feelings, romantic dreams, a strong, overpowering desire... Sirius found that his hands had stopped following his orders, and his hand reached out to gently touch the side of Remus's face.

_What are you doing?_

Remus stirred, and his eyes opened.

"You wake up easily." Sirius noted.

"I'm a very light sleeper." Remus murmured back. Remus's lips were a flushed pink colour, and Sirius found that his mouth had gone the same way as his hands, because he was drawing closer...

The kiss was innocent, light. Sirius pressed his closed lips against Remus's, and there was no response. Heart beating wildly, Sirius started inventing excuses.

_I'll say it was a dream, if he brings it up... say I was asleep all night..._

But then, there was the slightest of movements as Remus parted his lips a little, and tilted his head towards Sirius.

_Oh crap, _am_ I dreaming?_

Sirius's lips were pushed apart, and he found himself kissing Remus with a little more force. His hand stayed on Remus's face, stroking the side of it. Remus tangled his hands in Sirius's hair, kissing him back.

_I really, really hope I'm not dreaming..._

Sirius moved so that he was half lying over Remus, propped up on his arms. He experimentally slid his tongue along Remus's bottom lip, and was rewarded with a light gasp from the werewolf.

"I think we may need that sound shielding charm after all." Remus whispered, eyes locked onto Sirius's. Sirius nodded, reached to the table and passed Remus his wand. He closed his eyes lightly as he waited for Remus to finish impatiently muttering the charm, and get back to work.

* * *

Sirius was aware that he was wrapped around somebody else when he woke up. He knew fully well who it was, but tried to avoid opening his eyes for a few minutes. In the end, he gave in and looked up into the face of his best friend.

His best friend who happened to be _naked._

"Remus." He whispered, touching the other boy's arm. Remus awoke immediately.

"Everything okay?" He asked, smiling at Sirius.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, Remus." He whispered quickly. "I'm gonna go back to my own bed. We're gonna have to pretend none of this happened, okay?"

"Why-" Remus started, but Sirius interrupted him.

"We can't let James and Peter know. And can you _imagine _if Snivellus knew? He'd give us hell, I know he would. Now, can you pretend nothing happened?" He looked into Remus's eyes, and the werewolf nodded.

"Yes, I can."

"Good." Sirius breathed, his face cracking into a smile. "See you at breakfast." He leaned forward as if to kiss Remus again, but changed his mind and instead hurriedly got back to his own bed.

* * *

"Morning, Sirius." Sirius scowled a little. Remus looked more awake than he had in weeks. How long had that damn nightmare been keeping him up for? Sirius, on the other hand, felt like shit. He was tired, confused and more than a little disturbed by his feelings for his friend.

"Bah, I'm tired." Sirius moaned, flopping down next to Peter. He was careful to put distance between him and Remus. Luckily for him, James arrived and drew all attention to him as only James could.

"I am fucking exhausted." He groaned, reaching them. "Budge up, Padfoot." Sirius moved obediently and James sat.

"You wouldn't be tired if you hadn't been up till midnight making out with Lily." Sirius pointed out.

"So worth it." James grinned. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"It won't be worth it when you fail your Potions test." Lupin pointed out, his hand rubbing his right arm absent mindedly.

_"Oh!" Remus gasped, his arm flying up and hitting the bed frame. Sirius chuckled, but got back to what he was doing..._

Sirius shook the memory away, and realised James was talking.

"... I wonder if Lily might help me, because my _God _I hate Potions..." He rambled. Sirius got the feeling Remus wasn't much listening either. The werewolf yawned, his lips parting.

_Remus's mouth opened and he kissed him again, so hard that Sirius thought he might pass out from the feelings rushing through him..._

Sirius hissed. The memories were unwanted, memories of something he shouldn't have done. He wasn't sure how Remus could sit there, normal as anything, unaffected.

"Are you done?" Peter asked Remus, sounding a little concerned. Remus had hardly touched his food.

"Yeah, I'm just not that hungry..." Sirius took little solace in learning that Remus was troubled by last night too.

"C'mon, we got free period now." James said, standing up. "Let's go to the common room." They all chattered, Sirius throwing himself into the conversation to avoid having to look at Remus. They got to the portrait of the Fat Lady, Peter murmured the password and they clambered in. They all sat down in the armchairs near the fire. Remus curled up in his, eyes closing.

_He kissed Sirius one last time, before yawning and curling up in his arms. Sirius couldn't keep the smile off of his face as he held Remus close to his body..._

Sirius sighed a little, turning his head to stare at the floor. What had he done?

* * *

"No!" Sirius was awake already, had already heard the strange gasp-sob. He'd been hoping he was imagining it.

"Please, no!" Sirius rubbed his eyes, swung his curtains back.

"It hurts, it hurts really badly! Please, just make it stop!" Remus's voice was filled with fright, and Sirius hurried to the bedside. It had been three nights since the nightmare, and Sirius had hoped it wouldn't return. But here it was, again.

"Please," Remus begged as Sirius pulled back the curtain. He reached over, stroked the werewolf's hair.

"Moony, it's just a dream, that's all."

"Stop!" Sirius sighed, and reached over to push his lips against Remus's. Remus fell quiet, and after a few seconds kissed him back. Sirius felt himself melt. It felt natural, normal. Sirius pulled back.

"I thought you were a light sleeper?" Sirius asked.

"Not when it comes to that nightmare."

"Is it the same one?" Remus nodded.

"Ever since I got bitten. It's always the same one. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with." It felt a lot easier to accept what had happened alone in the darkness with Remus, than out in the day with everyone else.

"Let's see if I can't make it go away." Sirius grinned. Remus grabbed his wand, and started to cast the same soundproofing spell as before, as Sirius pulled his shirt off and waited.

* * *

It had become a kind of a twisted routine. Once every few days, Sirius would hear the familiar cries and rush to Remus's side. He'd wake up about an hour before everyone else, pull his clothes on and creep back to his own bed. Whilst he knew Remus woke up every time, neither of them acknowledged the other one during this.

They stayed strangely alienated from each other during the day- Sirius sticking with James and Remus sticking with Peter. He couldn't see his friend doing simple things like relaxing or laughing without getting a jolt of feeling run through him.

These days he was a whirl of emotions- regret, want, lust... and on occasion, something that was beyond lust. But Sirius tried to ignore this. They were teenagers, it was normal they would want to experiment. It wasn't like their relationships at night _meant _anything... or so Sirius thought.

* * *

"Sirius." Remus called, as Sirius stroked down his arms. "Sirius, stop for a minu- oh, that's not fair." He complained, as Sirius moved to suck on his neck.

"I'm not known for playing fair." Sirius replied.

"Seriously Sirius, I want to talk to you- _oh._" Sirius bit down lightly on Remus's shoulder. He didn't want to have to hear what the other boy was going to say.

"Siri-" Remus was cut off yet again, this time by a deep kiss from Sirius.

"Siri... I like it. Siri. You should call me that more often." Sirius nodded, smiling. Remus gave an unsure smile back. He launched into speech quickly, before Sirius could do anything else.

"Basically, we've been doing this for what... a month? And I know it's really dumb, but it's like every few nights we get together and in the morning you creep off. Then in the days we don't laugh with each other or talk or even goddamn _look _at each other. And I want more than that. I-" Remus gulped, and looked up at Sirius with wide, fearful eyes.

"I-I think I... love you, Sirius."

There was a moment's pause, in which Sirius tried to make sense of his thoughts.

"Sirius?" Remus questioned.

"I'm sorry, Rem. I don't feel the same." He said quietly. Remus's face fell, and he whispered two words in such a defeated voice that it broke Sirius's heart.

"I understand."

"But it doesn't change stuff... we can still do this." Sirius said, leaning forward for a kiss. But then Remus was pushing him away, snarling.

"No! Don't you get it? I _can't_ keep doing it! Sirius, are you ashamed of me?"

"No!"

"Then what am I? Something to keep you happy when you're horny and there aren't any girls around?"

"No!"

"You're so afraid of James knowing. I hate it." Remus was spitting the words out- Sirius had never seen him this angry. He was glad for the sound shield.

"Rem..."

"What, Sirius?" Sirius couldn't think of anything to say, and after a few seconds Remus turned away from him.

"I think you should go."

"But I-"

"Just _go, _Sirius." And with nothing left to do but obey, Sirius left.

* * *

The next few days were strange ones. Remus looked more tired than ever, and Sirius felt sure he had gone back to sound cloaking charms to cover his nightmares. This was for his own good, Sirius tried to remind himself. James would've made it awful, if he knew.

He didn't talk to him about it- they didn't really talk at all. If James or Peter noticed something was wrong, they didn't let on. About a week after the 'incident', as Sirius refered to it in his head, he saw Remus kissing a girl in the hallway. Her name was Kim, apparently. The news of their relationship was like a punch to his stomach, and he had to force himself not to shake Remus by the shoulders and yell at him to stop.

One night, he heard the familiar cries, and he wondered for a minute if he imagined them.

"No!"

"Please, no!"

"It hurts, it hurts really badly. Please, just make it stop!"

The cries came one after the other, and Sirius wondered why nobody was comforting him. Surely James or Peter must've waken up by now? But no, the cries kept coming.

"Please..."

"Stop!"

He couldn't stand it anymore, knowing Remus was in pain. He crossed the room quickly, pulled back the curtains.

"Get off me!" Remus was crying, thrashing on the bed. Sirius's eyes widened... he'd never seen it this bad before. He shook Remus briskly by the shoulders- gone were the times when he'd kiss Remus awake, holding him close as the nightmare seeped away.

"Remus, wake up. It's only a dream." Remus snapped awake, and looked grateful for a moment before realising who had woken him. Sirius winced at the hard look on his face, and got up.

"I forgot the sound charm." He said formally. "I am sorry."

"But Rem, I thought you said you were going to stop-"

The curtains closed in his face and he was left alone in the room.

* * *

One night, he was awoken again by Remus. It made sense that he'd forgotten the charm- they'd had a hard day, and Remus was tired. But this time, the dream was different. A lot different.

"Oh... oh, yes..." He was moaning. Sirius sat up sharply. Did he have someone there? Did he have _Kim? _The one he'd been kissing? He listened carefully, but only heard Remus's voice. So he was dreaming, then.

"Yes..." Sirius lay back down and pulled the pillow over his head at Remus's groans.

_'I shouldn't be listening to this' _he thought to himself.

""Oh God," The moans came. "God, I love you."

Sirius hated this, hated hearing about other people that Remus wanted...

"I love you..."

He hated it.

"... Sirius."

Sirius was, once again, listening as hard as he could, but Remus had fallen back into peaceful sleep.

* * *

It was three months now that they hadn't been speaking- four months since the first time he'd been woken up by Remus.

_I wonder how I know that... I've hardly been counting the months..._

Sirius knew in his heart that he'd been counting the days, every second that Remus hadn't been with him.

In fact, now he thought of it... it was exactly four months. He went over it again and again in his head, and it was definitely four months ago.

It semed fitting, then, that excluding the long period in which Remus left it off on purporse, this was the fourth time Remus forgot the sound charm.

"No!" Sirius knew immediately what was happening.

"Please, no!" Remus's voice was filled with the despair and fear that made Sirius desperate to run to his side, desperate to hold him.

"It hurts, it hurts really badly!" Sirius was up, across the room, leaning across Remus's bed. Remus woke up as Sirius shook him, eyes blinking. He scowled a little seeing Sirius, and Sirius nodded his acceptance at this and backed away. Remus lay down again, and Sirius couldn't help but whisper a few words.

"Remus, I'm so sorry... for everything." Remus pretended not to hear, but Sirius could swear he heard a few words spat back at him as the curtains swung closed.

"Even now, you're ashamed of me."

* * *

The school year was almost over. They had taken their O.W.L.s, and it was a time for relaxing. The news was announced at school that somebody famous in the Wizarding world had got married- Sirius paid little attention to the world outside his own, didn't know who. All he did know was that they were celebrating it in school, as a kind of summertime Valentine's Day. They could buy roses, there would be a ball on the last day and the houses were planning parties in their common rooms.

All James could talk of was how many roses he was going to buy Lily, or how he could ask her to the dance, or how far he wondered they might get at the party. The constant stream of babble was reassuring, but also irritating. At least it gave Sirius a chance to think.

* * *

Sirius sidled up to the stall behind the greenhouse. He knew if anyone saw him here he'd never live it down. He knew that he probably cared about image too much, but he couldn't help it. He quickly dived out of sight as Severus walked up.

"How many roses?" An overenthusiastic, slightly plump first year chirped.

"One, please." He said briskly. The girl nodded, and pulled one from underneath the stall.

"Do you want us to deliver it?"

"Yes, please." Severus nodded. His eyes glanced around; he looked as nervous as Sirius felt.

"Who to?"

"Lily Evans." Sirius frowned at that. James was going to be _so _pissed off. Serverus walked away, and Sirius stepped forward.

"How many?" The sixth year boy helping run the stall asked. He looked very, very unhappy to be there.

"Erm, only one please."

"Cheapskate." The boy laughed, taking his money and throwing a single red rose at Sirius. "Here you go- but I can assure you, that will _not _get you a girlfriend."

_Good thing I don't want a girlfriend, then._

Laughing a little- albeit nervously- Sirius quickly stuffed the rose into his bag and hurried off.

* * *

_I can not believe I am going to do this. What will Peter and Lily say? What will James say?_

Sirius fingered the rose in his pocket as he worried. This could all backfire so easily. He looked around the common room from his spot under the cloak, which he had borrowed from James- James did not know this. James was actually busy kissing Lily in the corner. At their two feet were 12 roses, all from James. Sirius guessed Serverus's hadn't arrived yet, and expected that when it did, he would have to assist James in it's 'disposal'.

He shook his head. This was so stupid. Why did he care so much about what James thought? He didn't have to impress him. He looked around, and saw Molly and Arthur sitting together, laughing and talking. There were also about 10 people alone, skulking at the sides. One of them, he noticed with a jolt, was Remus Lupin.

He watched as Kim (_the slut_, his mind shrieked angrily at him) sidled up, whispered something in his ear. Remus shook his head. She looked angry, span on her heel and stormed off, leaving Remus alone in the corner. Sirius slipped the cloak off, hiding it under one of the chairs. He straightened up, and immediately about 3 girls made a beeline for him. Sighing, he pushed them all away with mutters of "later", and headed to the corner.

"Hey Moonshine." He said softly, and Remus looked up.

"What do you wan-" Remus started angrily, but Sirius talked over him.

"You never let me finish."

"What?" Remus frowned.

"That time when you... told me how you felt. You never let me finish what I was going to say to you." He produced the rose from his pocket, and gently pressed it into Remus's hand.

Remus looked at him unbelievingly. "_I don't feel the same way, sorry_. What more is there to add on that?"

"Just listen?" Sirius asked. Remus looked put out, but let him continue. " I don't know why I didn't tell you then... I was just so confused. But I'm not, and I never have been ashamed of you. And no, I don't think I love you." He looked up into Remus's eyes. "Rem, I _know_ I love you."

_Please... please know I mean it._

And then, not for the first time, he acted on impulse.

He reached forward and pressed his lips gently against Remus's. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and kissed him back like he'd been waiting for it his whole life. Sirius didn't want to have to breathe, but eventually he did and they broke apart. It was only then he became aware that the common room had fell silent, and everybody's eyes were on them. Sirius looked at strangers, enemies and friends- his best friend, for God's sake, all staring at him. He'd never felt more alone. But then one voice broke.

"Take a bloody picture, people, it'll last longer." James barked. He turned to Sirius and Remus. "Good for you two, always knew you'd get together eventually. But what can I say? I'm a genius. Plus, Sirius spends way too much time on his hair to be straight." Sirius laughed, and so did Remus. The whole common room laughed too, and soon they were all muttering congratulations to Sirius and Remus, before getting back into normal conversation. A few people still muttered, and a small group of girls cried openly at the news that Sirius Black was gay. Sirius saw Remus staring at them, and dragged him to the side.

"Don't worry." Sirius murmured. "You're the only person I want to be with, Moonshine."

"You really must stop calling me that. You know I hate that name."

"Yes, but I'm your boyfriend now, and so I have to be an unbearable pain. It's the rules."

And with a laugh and a kiss, they went back into the party.

* * *

Sirius was wide awake when the first cry came.

"No!"

Sirius was glad Remus had left the sound cloaking charm off. The scene in the common room had been about a week ago. There had been one nightmare in that space of time. Sirius had dealt with it by gently kissing Remus, and then by just going to sleep holding him. It had been a nice way of spending the night, and one Sirius planned to do a lot more often- regardeless of whether Remus had a nightmare or not.

"Please, no!" Sirius was half out of bed, but then Remus said something that made him stop.

"I'm not scared of you anymore." Sirius frowned a little. Why had it changed?

"You can't hurt me anymore, see." Remus's voice was lighter, happier. "You can't hurt me because now I have Sirius to look after me."

And whilst he still tiptoed to Remus's bed, and he still curled his body around the other boy, this time Remus stayed sleeping.


End file.
